You’re Not Behind — You’re Responding to the Season You’re In
Let me start with a confession that feels both dramatic and painfully relatable:
I keep catching myself thinking,
“If I had just gone all in sooner…”
“Why did it take me this long?”
“Imagine where I’d be by now.”
Cue the internal montage of missed opportunities, imaginary alternate timelines, and a very convincing inner critic who loves to narrate my life like it’s a cautionary tale.
I’m a few months shy of 39.
I’m building my own business.
And yes—sometimes I feel like I showed up late to my own damn life.
But here’s the part I keep forgetting (and maybe you do too):
I wasn’t behind.
I was responding to the season I was in.
The Season Before This One Was… A Lot
Let’s rewind.
Before this “all in” energy, there was:
Parenting through a global pandemic (casual!)
An interstate move layered on top of grief from losing a parent
Trying to function while my nervous system was basically like, “We are not okay but thank you for asking”
And a quiet, persistent self-doubt humming under everything like background static
That wasn’t a season for bold leaps and fearless visibility.
That was a season for survival. For contraction. For keeping things small because small felt safer.
And honestly? That makes sense.
I didn’t play it safe because I lacked courage.
I played it safe because my system was tired.
Because I was carrying more than anyone could see.
Because I was doing the best I could with the capacity I had.
The Frustration of Finally Choosing Yourself
Here’s the cruel little irony:
The moment you decide to stop playing small
is often the moment you get mad at yourself for ever doing it.
I finally chose to jump headfirst into my work—fully, unapologetically, without hedging my bets—and suddenly I was flooded with:
“Why didn’t I do this sooner?”
“I wasted so much time.”
“I should be further along by now.”
Except… further along than what?
Further along than the version of me who was barely holding it together?
No. Absolutely not.
What Changed: I Stopped Caring About the Wrong People
Somewhere in the last year, something quietly shifted.
I realized I don’t actually care what the wrong people think anymore.
I care about:
The people who feel seen when I show up as myself
The ones who exhale and say, “Oh thank god, it’s not just me”
The clients and connections who arrive because I’m honest, not polished
When I stopped trying to be palatable, strategic, or “appropriate,”
the right people started finding me without me chasing them.
Wild how that works.
I Didn’t Find Myself — I Stripped Away What Wasn’t Me
I didn’t wake up one day magically knowing who my “authentic self” was.
I didn’t find her.
I uncovered her.
By trying on versions of myself that didn’t fit.
By forcing myself into molds that looked good on paper but felt wrong in my body.
By paying attention to what gave me the ick, what felt forced, what drained me.
Authenticity wasn’t about discovering something new.
It was about removing everything that wasn’t true.
And About That Whole “Almost 40” Thing…
I used to flinch at that number.
Now?
From what I’ve heard, this is when life actually gets good.
When you stop apologizing.
When you stop contorting.
When you finally trust yourself.
I may be pushing 40—but I feel more alive, more honest, and more me than I ever have.
And I don’t just believe that in theory.
I feel it in my bones.
If You Needed This Reminder Today
If you’re looking around thinking you missed your moment…
If you’re frustrated with how long it took you to arrive here…
If you’re wondering why it feels like everyone else figured it out sooner…
Let me say this plainly:
You weren’t behind.
You were becoming.
And now—this season?
This one is asking you to show up fully.
Not because you should have sooner.
But because now you’re ready.
And honestly?
That timing is perfect.
